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Food Notes - Rising Cooktime Hidden Mushroom

 Hello. C J here. I have some more adventures in reading cookbooks for you all today. The book I’m currently reading is a thin paperback about traditional Chinese food written by an Indian author. While the author takes great care to represent Chinese culture and recipes properly ome of the instructions get a bit strange. Here’s some fun observations about how to not make traditional Chinese food.

We are starting with the chapter ‘Saucy Food.’ Great. Is the food going to give me attitude? We’re making vegetables in Szechuan sauce. First we cook mushrooms in boiling water. Then we wash them. Then we cut them. Then we wash them again to get rid of the hidden dirt. Really? Where is it hiding? Also maybe wash them before you submerge them in water and dissolve the dirt.

Okay cool. Chop bok choy. Cool. Boil water. Let it cool. Then cook the broccoli and cauliflower in the cooled water. What? Sorry, what? Then refresh them by giving them a cold water bath. Okay, were they stressed out before? Do they need a sauna as well? Next heat oil in a pan. Then let it cool. Then fry garlic in the pan. Then add tomato ketchup, cloves, onion, soy sauce, salt, pepper, sugar and cook for a minute. Then drown it in broth.

Wait, what? Broth? We’re making Szechuan sauce right? These aren’t translation errors. This actually makes this little sense. I didn’t want soup. Now add the cornstarch to thicken stirring ‘all the time.’ I actually don’t know what that means. Is traditional Chinese food this labour intensive? I just wanted some vegetables. Remove it from the heat.

When ready to serve, cook the food then serve it.

No.

Just no.

By the way I’ve only managed to read one recipe since last time because I can’t breathe or type. I’m in pain just thinking about trying to actually make this. Instead today I’m going to try once again to make sriracha Thai stir fry with honey. This is only like my tenth attempt at this dish and I can’t get the sauce right. I’m going to try putting the sauce in at the end so it doesn’t loose its texture. Thanks.

Dear god, where do the mushrooms go? I just realized they’re never mentioned in the recipe ever again.

C J Mcpherson

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